Things NOT to do when someone is in the hospital...

Good Monday morning friends!

This weekend was no fun at all. My dear mommy had an outpatient surgery done last Monday and was finally beginning to feel good at home on Friday when her body crashed. She began shaking, had a rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, and her speech began deteriorating.

Her doctor sent her to the emergency room where test after test was done. The good news is that it was not a stroke, seizure, or anything else they could think of. The bad news is that they have no idea what it could be. As of last night all of the other symptoms were gone, with the exception of the speech issue, which has improved slightly.

To say the least, it's been an interesting few days. She has seen an outpouring of love, support and prayer from her friends and I've learned a few things about hospital etiquette in the process. Here are some rules you might find sarcastic helpful.

Things not to do when someone is in the hospital:

1. Don't stop by unannounced. The person you're visiting feels bad, looks bad, and probably smells a little bad too. She might be trying to nap since the hospital staff mission is to keep people awake all night long with poking and prodding. Or, 87 other people might have decided to drop by at the same time.

2. Don't come by and get chatty with someone who has a sudden-onset speech impairment. It's like asking the paralyzed guy next door to dance.

3. Don't insist that you are kept up-to-date with every piece of information. That's for family. As much as you love the patient, it's not really information that is mandatory for you to know.

4. Don't insist on receiving a phone call the second she knows something new. Eighty-seven other people have also insisted and there's no chance I'm calling all of them.

5. Don't call every hour because you haven't gotten a phone call. This is a hospital, nothing happens quickly.

6. When you come by, don't insist on knowing every detail of what has transpired over the past two days. The story has already been told 87 times.

7. You don't know the answer.

8. Your brother/aunt/cousin/next-door-neighbor didn't go through the same thing.

9. Your tales of woe don't make anyone feel better. (What's with all the people who come visit someone in the hospital just to tell them a horror story of their own.)

10. Don't be melodramatic. Unless the doctor tells you "Your friend/loved one is definitely going to die." you don't need to cry. It's just not right for the patient to have to comfort the visitor.

Anything I've missed here? Please feel free to add it to the list. Hospitals seem to do strange things to people.